suicdal thoughts running through my head

im sick of life,
im sick of the pain,
im sick of being confused,
im sick of being let down,
im sick of it all.



sucicidal thoughts running through my head.
i dont think i want to live,
i dont think i want to go on,
i dont think i want to take the pain.


and now i think its time to move on,
and now i think its time to forget,
and now i think its time to let it go,
and now i think it's time to leave it all behind.


sucicidal thoughts running through my head.
i dont think i want to live,
i dont think i want to go on,
i dont think i want to take the pain.

I JUST WANT IT TO END!


oh God save me from my self,
oh God take this pain away,
oh God show me the way,
oh God lead me to the light.

OH GOD... JUST GRAB THE WHEEL AND TAKE CONTROL!

What Do I Want

i want my mum to understand, i want to get along with my sister, i want to talk to my Dad, i want my life to get better, but most of all i want a friend to be there for me to know im not alone.

why does it seem like i'll always be alone?

Beliefs

how do we know whats right when everyone claims to know the truth.
how do we know whats right when this world is full of lies.
how do we know, how we know whats right.



this world is full of lies.
this world is full of deifferent opinions.
we are searching for something greater.
we are searching for something to fill this empty void in our hearts.



how do we know whats right when everyone claims to know the truth.
how do we know whats right when this world is full of lies.
how do we know, how we know whats right.




so many Gods, are worshiped.
so many people claim to know the truth.
so many different opinions in this life.
we are searching for something greater.
we are searching for something to fill this empty void in our hearts.
how do we know whats right whe everyone claims to know the truth.




how do we know whats right when everyone claims to know the truth.
how do we know whats right when this world is full of lies.
how do we know, how we know whats right.



so many Gods, are worshiped.
so many people claim to know the truth.
so many different opinions in this life.

so believe what you feel is right, dont let anyone tell you you're wrong.
we all have our beliefs, so dont be ashamed to stand for what you feel is right.
we all have our opinions on life, dont listen to the lies of this world.

for you, i give you my life.
for you, i give you my heart.
for you, i give you my love.
for you, i give you my faith.
for you, i give you hope.



you are the way, the truth, the life.
no man shall stand before you.
every man will bow and confess, you are lord.
every man wil stand before you and give an acount on judgment day.



for you, i give you my life.
for you, i give you my heart.
for you, i give you my love.
for you, i give you my faith.
for you, i give you hope.



the earth will begien to crumble.
the mountains shall bow.
the seas will raw.
at the sound of you're mighty name.


for you, i give you my life.
for you, i give you my heart.
for you, i give you my love.
for you, i give you my faith.
for you, i give you hope.



at the end of days, the world will burn.
at the end of days, man will fear the verry sight of you're face.
at the end of days, every man will bow at your feet.
at the end of days, every man will be judged.

i cant go on much longer

i feel so alone.
theres no one here to hold.
i cry out to God.
it seems like he cant here my cries.
it seems like everyday just gets harder.
i cant go on much longer.



you are the only hope that i have left,
you are the only one that wipes away all my tears,
you are the only thing that keeps me alive
you are the only friend that i have left.




suicide seems like the only way out of here, out of this fucken pain.
i cant see any otther way out of here, out of this fucken pain
Oh God let there be another way out of here, out of this fucken pain
is there another way out of here? out of this fucken pain.




you are the only hope that i have left,
you are the only one that wipes away all my tears,
you are the only thing that keeps me alive
you are the only friend that i have left.




oh God every thing is so out of control,
oh God i've lost control of it all,
oh God im trying to take control,
oh God i cant take control,
and everyday seems to get worst.




you are the only hope that i have left,
you are the only one that wipes away all my tears,
you are the only thing that keeps me alive
you are the only friend that i have left.




i dont know how much more i can take.
i dont know how much longer i can hold on for.
i dont know if i can go on living like this.
i dont know if i can do this without you.
i wont let go of you, so please dont let go of me.

i was hit with a realisation at church today from what Ps Neils said

last night i went skating, my friends was pushing me to try this trick i didn't want to do it, he said "if your train crashed on the way home, your gonna be thinking shit i could have done that but i didnt"
i didn't do the trick, but he is right, i don't wonna live the rest of my life wondering what could have been, i've been holding back for to long, it's time for me to start doing the things i need to do.

when i was younger i rember my crying out to Dad when she got trouble from Mum. No matter how hard she cried Dad was never around and i hated him, i hated him so much that i wouldn't even care if he died, i wanted him dead. Now im the one thats crying out to Dad, crying out for someone to show me how to be a man.

A Song For The Broken

I held the knife to my throat, I was ready to go, and I saw your face, the fear in your eyes.
I was ready to say goodbye to everything I ever had and everything I could have been.
Just one thought of you, was all it took to change my mind.

Sometimes I just to be alone with the only person that ever meant something to me.
Sometimes it’s hard to stay alive, and fight this battle.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell you exactly how I feel.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe in something I can’t see.
Sometimes it’s hard to make sense out of this world!

I’m broken and I’m lost, I can’t see through this fog, I can’t see what’s coming to me.
Days are feeling longer, and I can’t go on like this anymore, how much more can I take?
I’m giving up on all my hope to stay alive.

Sometimes I just to be alone with the only person that ever meant something to me.
Sometimes it’s hard to stay alive, and fight this battle.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell you exactly how I feel.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe in something I can’t see.
Sometimes it’s hard to make sense out of this world!

This world will bring you down, but you just gotta get back up and fight.
I know sometimes fear can hold you back, but just have to stop being a wuss.
I know you’re afraid of what people might say, but fuck them all!
This world will never make sense but don’t let that stop you from living your life.

arguing with God?

i'm arguing with God... hmm or is it just me, either way thats not going to happen i don't even know her that well, don't even know why it came to my mind in the first place, but then again what if? hmm.

A Dying World

I watch the world as it burns, burns down to ashes.
There’s nothing left here, all hope is gone, and all faith is lost.
There’s nothing left of this dying world.

We’re fighting a war against ourselves.
How much longer can we go on? When all we’re doing is killing ourselves.
How much time left before this world falls apart?
We can’t go on like this!

I watch the world as it burns, burns down to ashes.
There’s nothing left here, all hope is gone, and all faith is lost.
There’s nothing left of this dying world.

Why are we so afraid?
Why are we killing ourselves?
Why are we so lost?
Why can’t we get along?
Why are we giving up?
Why are we are we, why are we letting this world fall apart?

I watch the world as it burns, burns down to ashes.
There’s nothing left here, all hope is gone, and all faith is lost.
There’s nothing left of this dying world.

We need to learn how to love, so we can hope once again.
We need to stand strong, so can have faith once again.
We need to learn to get along, before this world falls apart.

my thoughts and feeling of you

i was just letting my mind wonder off and i thought about something we did in urbanlife about a month ago, one person sits in the middle of the room and listens to peoples thoughts of you postive thoughts of course. but then i thought i wonna tell my closest friend what i think of her yes she is female and no she is not my girlfriend lol. so Hannah here are my thoughts of you.
you're very caring, loving forgiving and understanding, you're honest, hard to understand at times, you can be lazy and antisocial, you wear pretty cool cloths, i like that you right, play guitar, make zines and skate.
i think you're amazing. i think that you've help me out alot more than you could ever know, you've always been there for me even when life got hard you were still there. i still think of you everyday, you mean so much to me. thank you so much i dont know what i'd do without you. i thank God everyday for putting you in my life. And i can't wait for more awesome moments and fun adventures for years to come. i love you duddy.

PS. im listening to lifeline :)

Lonely

I feel empty ive come to a piont where im not confused, not angry, not anoyed i just feel like there’s something missing, a girlfrieng? Lol but no im serious all my friends seem to have a girlfriend/boyfriend and they all seem so hapy im not gelious or maybe i am i dont know but i really am hapy for my friends to see them so hapy, i just wish i was that hapy, i wish i could mean something to someone and someone mean something to me. And the worst part is ive just given up on what people call love, i mean sure i love my friends, but yeah you know what i mean right? I just feel so lonely and i guess thats just how it’s always gonna be.

Prayer

God i don't know what is i want anymore but what i do know is i want you and need you, my life just seems so meaningless without you. i know i fucked up and when i did i just tried to make things perfect and i made exuses to myself of why i fell away when the bottem line is i just chased after something i could never have and put you to the side. God im sorry, i know you forgive, i don't really desever your forgiveness but you forgive may anyways. you welcome me with open arms, God your the only farther i ever had, your the only farther i know. God i love you.

A Plea For Purging - The Marriage Of Heaven And Hell

Okay lets start by saying HOLLLLY........SHIT!!! this i have to say is the most intense album i've ever listened to. their last album 'Depravity' was pretty damn heavy but 'The Marriage Of Heaven And Hell' was at a different level with killer breakdowns, harsh but positive lyrics, a bit of crazy electronics, some clean singing, and tripy speech intro/outro. is what makes it, what i think the most intense album ever. i rate this 5 out out of 5 stars.

i was a douchebag

i was just thinking of how much of a douchebag i used to be had so many close friends and i just fucked them over i lied, i broke promises, i made promises i knew i couldn't keep, i was careless. the one i regret the most is breaking a promise to Vicky i regret that coz i liked her alot but i never told her. i was too scaerd i don't know what i was scared of but was scared. anyways back to the story i broke a promise, one i wish i could go back and make it right. we never saw each other after that i know you probaly would never read this but im sorry and if you knew me now you'd see how different i am. i just wish i could make things better.

I Will Stand, I Will Fight

You won’t stop me, I won’t let you.
You’ll try to bring me down with your words of hate.
You’ll try to tell me I’m wrong.
You will never stop me this is who I am.
How dare you say I’m wrong.


I will stand, I will fight, I will stand for what I believe, I will fight for the truth.
No one will hold me back, nothing can stop me.
I will stand and fight, fight for everything I’ve worked for.


I’ll grow tiered, I’ll grow week, but I won’t stop, I won’t stop until I die.
I’ll say what I need to say, I’ll do what I need to do.
I won’t let fear hold me back; I won’t let pride control me.


I will stand, I will fight, I will stand for what I believe, I will fight for the truth.
No one will hold me back, nothing can stop me.
I will stand and fight, fight for everything I’ve worked for.


I am just a man and I will stand on my own, I fight this battle.
I won’t give up, I won’t give in.
I will stand for what I believe; I will fight for the truth.


I will stand, I will fight, I will stand for what I believe, I will fight for the truth.
No one will hold me back, nothing can stop me.
I will stand and fight, fight for everything I’ve worked for.



You won’t stop me, I won’t let you.
You’ll try to bring me down with your words of hate.
You’ll try to tell me I’m wrong.
You will never stop me this is who I am.
How dare you say I’m wrong.

im so happy i just got a Nitendo 64 emulator for my computer last night been playing Zelda game non stop

Get Out

Get out I don’t want you here, get out before I smash you little face.
You tried to take everything that ever meant anything to me.
You’re nothing more than just a piece of dirt!




Take your words,
Take your negativity,
Take your gilt,
Take your evil thoughts,
Take all your crap and go straight down to the depths of hell.



I’m sick of you bringing me down,
I’m sick of you holding me back,
I’m sick of you controlling my thoughts,
I’m sick of the chains you hold me down with.




Take your words,
Take your negativity,
Take your gilt,
Take your evil thoughts,
Take all your crap and go straight down to the depths of hell.





This is where it ends, everything ends here!
Get your hand off me,
I shut out the negativity,
Your words mean nothing,
I’m breaking free from these chains,
I won’t be held back any longer.

i wonna be happy for you i really do, but ever since i found out you like this guy i've been feeling like shit.

My Testimony

So I grew up in church all my life I always heard about but never really knew.
When I was 16 I wasn’t going to church and my sister at the time started going to Boom she would always come back home and tell me how awesome it was.
So one Friday night I wasn’t doing anything and my sister asked me to come so I did.
I remember getting there and thinking oh this is gonna be boring.
Then the praise came on and everyone quickly rushed to the front and I was like what the heck is going. As I looked to the front I saw what looked like a moshpit and I was there’s a moshpit in church this is awesome and the music wow. So I kept going it wasn’t until a few months later where one night in Boom I sat through the hole service asking myself why am I even here for, why am I on this earth, I’m living for anything, I’m jus living for myself. After the service I went to the front gave my life to God. I got that night and said “God I don’t know who you are, I don’t know why you care so much about me, I don’t know what you want from me, but from now I’m gonna live for you and everything I do I’m gonna do for you. And about a month later I got 6th place in 16 and under Australian rollerblading titles and that’s when I knew that this is what God wants me to do, I’m gonna use rollerblading as tool to lead people to Jesus.

How Can You Like This Guy

How can you say you like this guy?
You only just met this guy.
I can’t believe you like this guy, oh I can’t believe you like this guy.


And after all I went through, just to try and get you.
It’s was all for nothing, it was all worthless.
It’s not fair, oh how is this fair!



How can you say you like this guy?
You only just met this guy.
I can’t believe you like this guy, oh I can’t believe you like this guy.



I thought I was the only guy, you would ever like.
I thought I was the only guy, you could see yourself with.
But I guess I was wrong, oh how I was wrong.



How can you say you like this guy?
You only just met this guy.
I can’t believe you like this guy, oh I can’t believe you like this guy.



I can’t stand to hear one more word of this guy.
I can’t stand to see one more comment on your facebook wall.
I can’t stand it, oh can’t stand it!







i can't believe i even wrote a love song, i guess it's just more of my feeling than anything

i just something to go right for once, just anything

yep my sister just has to be a bitch all because i'm trying to help, and mum yeah thanks for telling me off and not jackie, it happens every fucking time i try to do something right. i'm so sick of it.

The New Boarders For Christ Video

You're So Judgmental

This is music to my ears; to you this is a headache.
To you this all sounds like gibberish, but I promise you there’s meaning behind these words.
The sound of music to my ears.



You say it’s satanic,
You say it’s negative,
You say it’s not music,
You ask how can you praise God like this?



This is music to my ears; to you this is a headache.
To you this all sounds like gibberish, but I promise you there’s meaning behind these words.
The sound of music to my ears.




How can you say it’s satanic?
How can you say it’s negative?
How can you say this is not music?
I’m giving all my praise to my lord and savior!



This is music to my ears; to you this is a headache.
To you this all sounds like gibberish, but I promise you there’s meaning behind these words.
The sound of music to my ears.




Just shut your mouth I’ve heard enough from you,
You know nothing, you’re so judgmental.
You’ve let so many people down, this is where it ends.
You can’t stop me from praising God; I won’t let you stop me

Crush On Emma Watson

from the first time i watched Harry Potter i always had a crush on Emma Watson she's just so pretty and so smart also a good actor, yes i know she's a big movie star and dating will be imposible but it doesn't hurt to dream does it?

the only thing i really have to keep me going on is rollerblading.

thanks Flavio love these photos

Broken Family

from when i was old enough to speak i always wonderd what it would be like to have a father someone to engourage you, someone to look up to, someone to help you, someone to show you, someone to teach you about things in life. i never had that my parents split up before i could even speak so my whole life i never really got to know my farther it hurts it really does. i had to learn how to be a man myself that wasn't an easy thing to do and even though i turned out fine, there are so many other kids living in a broken family that aren't as lucky as me their all waking up everyday wishing they could have a perfect family it's a sad thing cause alot of kids can't deal with this and suicide becomes their only opion at least that's what they think. i know it's like waking up everyday wishing for a perfect family i use to be like that but realality is there is no such thing as perfect family, know one should have grow up in a broken family and the sad thing it happens way too much and theres nothing you can really do about but hope for one day when you have a wife and kids that you do your best not to make that same mistake your parents did.

in the 80's kids were getting kicked out of church for listening to metal, and now not much has changed even though you don't get kicked out of church there are alot of peaple in the church telling you it's bad to litsen to metal, you could say there saying it's a sin to listen to heavy music wich makes kids not want to go to church because of it were meant to be getting people saved but how can we do that when the church's are judging people for who they are. thank God i go to a church where people don't think it's bad to listen to heavy music, but that doesn't mean there aren't any people in the church that judge abouth other things. it's the same with anything else, if Jesus can accept us for who we are then so should the church i think alot of church's and Christians forget what that actually means.

i've always kinda of been ashamed to call myself a christian not because of God i was never ashamed of God, but other christian that sitt around judging people for who they, they're the christians that give children of God a bad name.

Daniel Woodhead

The otherday i was thinking of you hmm. haven't heard from you in like 2 years maybe. i wonder where you are now, wonder if you're still alive hopefully you are. anyways i just thinking about all the fun times we had together we had so much fun Me, You, Dylan, Ben and Harry, yep that was the crew we skated every rail we could find, we didn't care about getting hurt, me with a bad mouth telling security guards to eff off every time we got booted. all that it was fun and then Dylan stoped skating, Ben started hating you for no real reason things chaged after that brad your twin started skating with us on his skateboard then Jess joined the new crew some time after, there it was the new crew 2 rollerbladers and 2 skateboarders, best friends we skated hard Jess like every other girl i know that skates was amazing at skating she never thought she was that great, even though she was sponsored by force skateboards but she knew that i knew she was awesome. you always tried to get me and Jess together for some reason, even we hang out alot we both knew that we only wanted to be friends. when summer came around it we spent most days at sandringham beach with some of Jess's friends wich was cool but when summer was over you'd still be going to the beach even on freazing cold days it seemed like you were more concerned about hanging with girls then skating and after spend the night at Jess's place i made a choice that i wasn't gonna let hot girls destract me from skating so i didn't hang with you as much. sometime after you broke your ankle from grinding a tinny slide in a playground. you stoped skating for a bit and after your ankle healed you skated on and off and eventually you stoped skating and i never saw you after that. and as for Jess she also stoped skating such ashame she was still young and had great talent. every moment we spent together was awesome you were my best friend. man i miss you and i your well where ever you are now take care.

The Prodigal Son

Where have you been, my child where have you been!
I stand here waiting, waiting for the day you return.
You ran away because you were scared,
I stand here waiting, waiting with open arms.



You thoughts, your feeling, you held on to them when you should have let them go.
I cried out to you, to let me take your feelings away but you refused to listen.
You thought you could do this on your own but in my heart I knew you’d come back.


Where have you been, my child where have you been?
I stand here waiting, waiting for the day you return.
You ran away because you were scared,
I stand here waiting, waiting with open arms.


You were lost; you confused so many things holding you back.
You wanted to return, return to me.
I cried out to you but you were to far away from me to hear.
Such a dark place you were in.



Where have you been, my child where have you been?
I stand here waiting, waiting for the day you return.
You ran away because you were scared,
I stand here waiting, waiting with open arms.



I see you, I see you running down the road, with tears in your eyes.
I stand here with open arm with tears of joy.
You’re home, my child you’re home.
I have you wrapped safely in my arms.
My child, I love you!






this is a song i wrote about me.

It's Gonna Be Hard With Out You

so sunday i was in church hmm can't remember what Ps. Sam was speaking on, i guess i was too busy thinking about when you went to church. it's funny cause it seemed like you were perfect, it was amazing you loved God so much, i miss it i really do, you encouraged me alot to learn more about God. i guess that's what makes it hard right now not having that friend to encourage me to press on, to learn more about God. hmm something i've been thinking about. it's not about what church you go to it's about you and God, your relationship with God cause in the end you won't be facing the church, you'll be facing God.

For Hannah

will i ever get over you hmm...i don't think so when Leo asked if i was really over you he asked me this question "so if Hannah turned around and said i would go out with you you'd say no?" that just made me realise that i don't think i would ever get over you i mean yeah i accept that were friends and that's all cool and all but if oppotunity was there i'd take it, if that makes sense and also here some reason why i like they're been on my mind the last few days;

1. your the only person i've ever opened up to.
2. your the closest friend i have.
3. you always seem to be there for me.
4. i like your so called dorky cloths you wear.
5. i like that you have an open mind to music.
6. i like that your like a big kid and being around you makes me feel younger.
7. i like that you hardly get angry and always forgiving.
8. i like that i can tell you how i feel about without you being offended or awkward.

there are so many more reasons why i like you but when i look at these reason i like you i realise these arent reasons why i want to be with you, these are reasons why i want to be your best friend and i guess all this time i never really noticed it. the thing is to me you're this really amazing person and i don't know if you know how much i care about but i care about HEAPS! even more than i care about my self i'd put my life on the line for you without hesitation. i'm just letting my thoughts and feeling out right now but it's all true. just one more thing to clear all this there some questions thats been on my mind and want ask you these questions and i want an honest, straight answers;

1. did you ever really liked me the way i liked you?
2. were you ever really willing to give it a chance?
3. how you do really feel about me now?

why can have it, why can't i have a good family i'm not asking for a perefect family i just hate growing up in a broken home i want my Dad to be someone i can look up to and encouage me doing something i love. i want my mum to understand who i am. i want my sister to stop being selfish. at least i have one thing, Hannah my best friend whenever things get hard she allways seems to be there for me, she gives me a reason to smile everyday, she amazing sometimes i don't think she know how amaing she is. i love Hannah

so today i got this game (Red Dead Redemotion) i've been wanting to get it since last week when i found out about it. the game is about a man named John Martson who left his old crimanal ways and settled down with his wife, but he is forced by federal agents to hunt down his former gang members that once were his friends. this is also based in 1911 yes that means cowboys, sheriff's and outlaws. with game done (rockstars games) wich if you don't know are the same company that dose (grand theft auto) it has an awesome free raoming experience yes that means you have a big open space wich you can do anything on. but this game nothing like GTA (thank god for that) it's better you can houses, catch outlaws and get heap of cash when you bring em back alive, round up some cows, catch wild houses and there's alot more. i must this is one of the best games i've played since Zelda and Zelda is my favorite game so that's pretty good, as soon started playing i couldn't stop but dinner time came around and yeah thought it was time to stop for the day and check my emails plus do a review on here :P i'd give this game 4 out of 5 stars.

okay that's i'm sick this i hate standing on the line not know what i believe i'm either in or out, i either choose to follow with God or not. so here it is. Ben called me today and asked me "where have you been?" he asked me to come to boom so i went and i can not believe what i'm missing out on i felt God he was there and with out any doubt i knew that he was real and was there Andy spoke on praise it so intense i jumped on the stage and did a 360 off it i wasn't thinking about no that was just me praising God the way i do because praise you give God your best and you don't even think about you just not caring about what anyone thinks. I miss boom, i miss praising God the way i want to you can't do this stuff in church you can't run around and just be free in church it feels like your just being restricted because you know some one's gonna stop you tell you, "you can't do that in church" some times i think Planetshakers forgets what praise is really about well the church anyways. as for boom great! love it :) i feel free to praise God the way i want.


so i'm running back to God and this time it's for real i need him so much i've been such a fool to that his not real. i'm staying at planetshaker because i know that's were God wants me to be, i gonna get more involved with church and not just attend because i never away from again leaving God it's the stupidest thing i've done but even in those times i wasn't walking with God i know he was watching out for me. so this it i am following God, i'm running back into his arms again.

Sydney Australia

i wonna run back to God, i wonna start out, wonna get to know God but theres still that part of me that's unsure and it's holding me back, most of my friends that engourged me have fallen away from God, i feel like i'm doing this alone.

i've always liked, i like you alot. i don't want to take time off seeing you, i want hang out with more so i get use just being friends and anyways i enjoy hanging out with you cause when i do i feel like a kid again, like playing on the grass today at camberwell was like two 5 year old kids having fun, even though we'd have dirt and grass all over us after, it's still fun. hm i don't know i guess letting my thoughts out, i'll be fine

the story of how i got into christian metal

I got into heavy metal when I was 16 didn’t know much about it all I knew was I liked it but a lot of the stuff I was listening to at the time was either satanic or negative bands like;

Slipknot,
Wednesday 13,
Cradle Of Filth,
Mudvayne,
Murder Dolls,
Soulfly,
Children Of Bodem,

And a lot more.

Yeah wasn’t really good for a new Christian kid with a bad temper. I wanted to find something positive in heavy music didn’t know what I was looking for just knew I wanted something with positive lyrics. My metal head friend lent me some a lot of his cd’s to me got into a lot of the bands he had and there was 4 bands that I found out from him that grab my attention Killswitch Engage, Caliban, Diecast and Still Remains all really positive and real heavy I wanted to find more music like this what people call metalcore I didn’t know what metalcore was, didn’t even know there were other genres in heavy music I just thought everything heavy was metal.
I had heard about a christian band Underoath I didn’t know who they were and I didn’t take much interest until one day I turned on the TV around 3 in the morning and saw these guys on my TV screen I liked it. Shortly some time after I lent an Underoath cd from a friend they’re Only Chasing Safety album I liked it but it wasn’t exactly heavy so kept looking for more. One day I went to word book store and saw a cd I didn’t know who they were all I knew was they were a christian band and they looked interesting so I got home and put it on to my computer and after about 3 minutes I realized that it was heavy music coming from my speakers that band was blessthefall I listened to them a lot and I still do. By the time I was 18 I found out about solid state records a christian record label that only signed christian bands so stared getting into solid state bands but the problem was they were really hard to find word book store didn’t have anything and jb-hi-fi and missing link only had a few. Then one day my friend asked me to come to koorong book store with her so I did we walked in and found a hole bunch of christian metal and hardcore and bands a lot from solid state records I still shop there till this day. Solid State bands I got into;

August Burns Red,
Oh, Sleeper,
Underoath,
Demon Hunter,
Norma Jean,
Inhale Exhale,
Mychildren Mybride,
Haste The Day,
Living Sacrifice,

After a while I of listening to solid state bands I wanted to find some more Christian hardcore bands that weren’t on solid state I always use to think that solid state was the on Christian metal label man just wrong was I? I ended up finding out about another Christian metal label (Facedown records) this label signing more hardcore than metal bands (and yes there is a difference between hardcore and metal) I didn’t know much it so just ignored it for a while. So still on this search for more Christian hardcore I ended up find out about a deathcore band (With Blood Comes Cleansing) I was amazed of this band cause not only were they extremely heavy but their lyrics were like praise and worship songs I had never hard of such praise songs in my life. Shortly after I found out about impending doom another Christian deathcore band doing pretty much the same thing only they labeled their music as Gorship (praise and worship with heavy music) So now I found out that impending doom were with Facedown records witch made me want find out more about them and got into more of their music. Bands from Facedown records;

Impending Doom,
War of Ages,
Inked in Blood,
Jesus Wept,
Alove for Enemies,
For Today,
xDeathstaRx,
Sleeping Giant,
Call To Preserve.



So pretty much after I got into Facedown records I had found out about more Christian hardcore and metal bands that weren’t with solid state or facedown you so by the time I just turned 20 you could say I’m a Christian metal head yep I know a lot about Christian metal maybe too much so this is it I’m done.
Here are some of my favorite bands;



The Devil Wears Prada,
August Burns Red,
As I Lay Dying,
A Plea For Purging,
Gwen Stacy,
Impending Doom,
Corpus Christi,
Burden Of A Day,
Forgiven Rival,
For All Eternity,
Soul Embraced,
Haste The Day,
Lewis Vs Clark,
Inhale Exhale,
Sinai Beach

As I Lay Dying - The Powerless Rise

so i downloaded this album last night. i rember someone telling me before the album came out that it wasn't that great but heres what i think. this album is definitley alot more heavier than thier previous albums with alot more breakdowns but at the same time still sounding like AS I LAY DYING as for the lyrics nothing much has changed still great positive and uplifting lyrics that we all love. my favorite song on the album so far would have to be Parallels. if i had to rate this album i'd give 4 out 5 stars

you didn't know what to say, but i didn't care, you were there for me when i needed you, thats all i wanted

For Hanface

so the few day i've been writing down my thoughts and feelings and i want you to read them and blogger was the only real place i could do this cause facebook is gay.



DAY ONE

It’s like someone reaching into your heart and ripping it out ahh! It just kills to even say those words “I’m letting go of you” but I know have to; I have to let go, I don’t want to, the tears pouring down my face like a water fountain so hard to breathe it almost felt like my hole body was shutting down, it’s not easy but nothings fucking easy. Guess I’m past the first step taking some time apart, first step is always the hardest. But who can I go? to while we take some time apart, who can I talk to when I’m feeling down? These are the questions that are running through my head, but then it came to me my urban life leader although I haven’t really known him for that long I feel I can talk to him with just about anything. Well I guess this is goodbye for now, I’ll be okay I just need some time hmm…I love you, don’t beat yourself up your not a stuff up, see you soon…Miss Butmunch Dostine.







DAY TWO

Cried my self to sleep last night could get it off my mind, pillow was soaked…lovely.
Woke up crying this morning, then after telling myself “you can do this you can move on” I had a shower and I was okay. Watched some skate videos and played rolling on my PS2. you text message today telling me you were at camberwell I wanted to go, I wanted to go there just to see you but need some time apart from you so I can let go, let go of you. I went a small community church in ST. Albans it was great for the first time in 4 months I felt the presence of God it was there but still I continue to not be sure. I love you we’ll always be best friends but right now I just need some time apart but if you really do need I’ll be I’ll be there for you. Take care Hanface





DAY THREE

I have lifeline on repeat as I’m writing this I went for a skate earlier no one at the skatepark just me, my rollerblades and iPod just had lunch no one home so I had to cook for myself like any dumb aussie I burn my fucking food. When you’re like me and not doing anything besides sitting at home playing Xbox, skating and watching pointless videos on youtube I guess you have time to think things through so here what I think, I don’t think it would have work out anyways because were closer than anyone would be if they were in a relationship, where’ve been friends for way to long to be in a relationship and I’d hate to lose you as my best friend…Hannah I accept that I can never be with you cause there was another side of me that didn’t feel right about it and I just ignored that until now I don’t want be in a relationship with you I just want to be you’re really close friend. I’m sorry if you felt that I was forcing you in anyway it’s just really did want to be with you.
I love you heaps.




DAY FOUR

I’m okay now hit was hard at first but yeah I’m okay now I’m over it, I accept the fact that we won’t be anything more than just close friends and I think that’s the way I want it. I’m just happy that you’re even in my life I don’t know if you know but you have been really amazing to me and there are so many reasons why you’ve helped me out a lot. I love you Hannah.

Miss Buttmunch Dostine

I'm excited for you to start skating

red cuffs and red frames for my skates tomorrow gahh! no red backslide plates

For Hannah Rose

this is a response to your second last post on tmblr and just before i start i just want you to know i don't want to make anything awkward between us, but i'm sick of holding this back i've held this in for to long so here it goes.


i know, i know your scared.
i'm scared too, i scared to lose this friendship we already have.
but are you really gonna let fear hold you back?
i know this is not what your use to.
but please hannah would you just give it a chance.
when will you step out of you comfort zone?
it doesn't have to be right now.
just...just think about it.
i know i'm sounding desperate, okay maybe i am.
AHH!
i love you, i love so much.

My favorite songs

All That Remains - This Calling
All That Remains - Not Alone
Angels & Airwaves - Lifeline
Chasing Victory - Step Into The Light
Corpus Christi - Sacrifice
Demon Hunter - Lead Us Home
The Devil Wears Prada - Ben Has A Kid
A Faylene Sky - Define Alive
For All Eternity - Souls
Gwen Stacy - A Dialogue
Gwen Stacy - The Fear In Your Eyes
Haste The Day - Substance
Inhale Exhale - Redemption
Killswitch Engage - Eye Of The Storm
Killswitch Engage - Break The Silence
Living Sacrifice - Reach For The Sky
Misery Signals - Labyrinthian
Mxpx - First Day Of The Rest Of Our Lifes
Oh Sleeper - Son Of The Morning
Oh Sleeper - The Finisher
Plankeye - Playground
Relient K - I Am Understood
Rise Against - The Good Undone
sanctus Real - Alone
Sanctus Real - Closer
Settle The Sky - Now That We're Waiting
The Wedding - Song For The Broken
Zao - Angel Without Wings



the reason why these songs are my favorite is because every one of these songs describe me and how i feel.

i stick for rollerblading alot i was rolling back to fliders street station with a friend and this bogan yells out "rollerblading is fucking GAY!!!" i wanted to punch this guy for that, instead i just shook my head and said "fuck you" under my breath

I Want Nothing, So I Have Nothing To Lose

You can take it away from me,
I don’t really care,
I want nothing,
So I have nothing to lose.



I want nothing,
So I have nothing to lose,
So go ahead take it all,
Take it away from me,
Cause I want nothing,
So I have nothing to lose.




Sometimes I need to let go of everything that I have,
So that I can get what I need,
Sometimes I need to fall down,
So I can climb my back to the top.




I want nothing,
So I have nothing to lose,
So go ahead take it all,
Take it away from me,
Cause I want nothing,
So I have nothing to lose.



Sometimes I need to let go of everything that I have,
So that I can get what I need,
Sometimes I need to fall down,
So I can climb my back to the top.




I want nothing, nothing at all,
Take it away from me; just take it away from me,
I don’t want it; I don’t it at all,
I just want nothing, so that I have nothing to lose.

no one was home i ran to my sisters room grabed some old planetshakers cd's because even though i'm exactly sure God is real i just want to spend one moment with him just a moment to be in his presnce, because because i feel so peacefull in his presnce.

when i first saw you, you were just another person, and now you're my closest friend. it doesn't seem that long ago when i was waiting in line for on a really hot day for food at boomcamp singing i am understood by relient k when i first met you.

USD South America Tour ROCK Part 2 of 4. Ecuador from Jeremy Stephenson on Vimeo.

Can God really blame man for not knowing what to believe in, just look around so many religions, so many people saying they have the truth. for all we know this world could just be fake and everyone on it, we could all just be living in one big dream. i don't really know what i'm saying i guess i'm just typing my thoughts out on this computer.

cant wait to get this cd

A Faylene Sky - Define Alive

(Surprise...I showed you alive now you're mine, you're mine!)


Too Late Too Late on your own time


Im nothing, but you're still defining alive


(I know what keeps you coming back)


You're living in the wake of tomorrow, you'll break out alone


(On your own time, at your front door)


Just Lie on the floor


What you're looking what you're looking for


(Light yourself on fire today!)


You're nothing I need it,


Still something, but i cant believe it


Too Late Too Late on your own time


Im nothing but you're still defining alive


(One more time)


Won't you tell me the naked truth About me About me


Just so you know I only hear the best About you About you


(Rise against Me you'll never win, I'm in the air that you breath)


(DIE, DIE)


(You're Mine)


Lay on the floor what you're looking for, What you're looking for


Lay on the floor what you're looking for (What you're looking For

Flavio's Photography

okay just so people know a pornstar is also a grind on rollerblades that's why thought this was funny when i saw it on rollernews

Oh, Sleeper - The Finisher

Do you mean to challenge me?
Because your speech is threatening to the writer of your history,
Through a future perverted by envy.
Your whisper may sway the weak, but when I speak it roars the sea.
Your challenge has been met, because with a breath I could snap your neck.
This wont be like the first time you tried,
Because my patience and mercy for you has run dry.
You've watered among my bride and started seeds to feed your throning flight.
I will sing to the world your storm is capturing
And the angles will join me...
We will sing to a world reborn from suffering.
But mark my words,
Because if that tree keeps them from seeing me
I will burn off your limbs and you will never shade again.
You will bow at my feet or I'll rip out your knees
And make of your face all the carnage you crave.
I am the Finisher and I am Forever.
I will sing to the world your storm is capturing
And the angels will join me...
We will sing to a world reborn from suffering.
From the armories the angels sing. You will see them end this suffering.
From the armories the angels sing. You will fear them when they lift their wings.
They will sing to a world reborn.
They will sing as I cut off your horns.
I'll cut off your horns.






this song has been the song playing over and over on my ipod and i can't stop playing it.

The Devil Wears Prada - Assistant To The Regional Manager

i have a habit on not paying attention to what i'm typing so sometime i'll end up missing words lol

Where's Wally

Mike Hranica from The Devil Wears Prada love this guy

you don't understand what you see in me, i come running out of the playground, sometimes things are the way they're meant to be

I Ask Myself These Questions Everyday

who am i?
why am i here?
is God really out there?
whats the point of life?
why can't mum understand the poeple i love?
why does my sister have to be so selfish to?
why did i grow up without a farther?
why does my mum hate my dad?


i hate this, i can't get away from it. but for some reason when im with you i forget about everything, when i'm with i feel so happy, i feel loved.

iblade

It's A Strange Pursuit from Andrew Nemiroski on Vimeo.

things i want to say dont know if i should say it

Get Me Out Of This House Of Suffering

Somebody get me out here,
I don’t know if I can make out alive,
I’m screaming out for someone to get me out,
Is there anyone listening?
Can you hear my cry?



This place I’m in is killing me,
I cry out for someone to get me out,
But it just seems like no ones listening,
This is not where I want to be.




So fucking isolated and no one can hear me,
I think I’m gonna die in this house of suffering,
All I can see is darkness,
Can’t seem to find the light,
I’ve never felt so alone,



This place I’m in is killing me,
I cry out for someone to get me out,
But it just seems like no ones listening,
This is not where I want to be.




I’ gone, I’m dead; I’m so fucking dead,
No one can hear my cries,
No one even cares,
Fuck this I’m done, I give up on this fucking world,
Say goodbye as you watch me die.

i feel alive when i'm in the air

i can't feel right when you are down

lately i've just been questioning God and wondering if he's real so i took time to think about it. i think God is real because you just look at the amazing miracles you see in peoples lifes thats enough to convenience that he's out there. but i don't get is why i feel nothing when i praise, why don't i see my prayers come to pass, why can't i feel God right now. am i doing something wrong, God just tell what i'm doing wrong.

i'm back on myspace i still think it's gay but when there are so mans great bands that only have myspace then you just need it haha
www.myspace.com/quin_rollerblader

i'm 21 this year man i getting old i still act like 15 though haha

this is kinda random but i don't think any of my friends know my middle name maybe because i only use when i need to my middle name is Elliot, Quinton Elliot Fairhall

i just wonna hug you right now and not let go

you can ditch me, tell me to go away, hate me but i'll never stop forgiving you, i'll never leave, and i won't stop loving you.

As Cities Burn - Clouds

Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads.

God has to be out there because whats the point of life if he's not.

The true meaning of love, as defined in the Bible, has been corrupted in the common usage of our English language and society. Most often, love is confused with infatuation - that elated, "high" feeling we get when we "fall in love." This kind of "love" is something that lasts typically less than a year, and unless replaced by true love, results in broken relationships.

found some old stuff i wrote ages ago feel like posting it up but then i don't really want to

so hold your head up high and know it's not the end of road, at the end of the raod you'll find what you've been longing for

i would be shiting myself

UNDEROATH AND AARON AMICABLY PART WAYS

We are taking this opportunity to sadly inform you the six of us have decided at the end of the current european tour, Aaron will no longer be playing in Underoath. This was not a decision made in haste but a thought out and prayed upon group agreement. It in no way effects any of the shows left on this tour. They will still be our best efforts and enjoyable experiences for all. For the future, Aaron will be pursuing other musical and ministry endeavors. As for the rest of us we will continue to work hard on the new Underoath record. We appreciate the love and support from everyone in the past and hope that all of us will continue to receive your support on our future paths. We love you guys. ....
.. ..
Tim, Grant, Aaron, James, Chris, and Spencer.....................................................................................................

Undroath is one of my favorite bands i got all their albums and for Aaron to leave is kinda sad but also good that his moving on. Aaron has been in Underoath right from the start, he spent 11 years in that he saw people come and go in the band, he made what Undroath is today i think it's safe to say that without him Underoath wouldn' t be around. He's the most talented person anyone could ever know in the hardcore scene it would be interesting to see what he does next. Okay as for Underoath yeah things are gonna change but from listen to all their albums and looking at all the people that have come and go i think it's something thats not gonna effect them to much they've always progressed in eveything they've done and i can't wait to see what they can do without Aaron.

If i leave God it feels like my life is pointless but if i don't i'm never sure if he's real. what the fuck! i'm sick of this, sick of not knowing what i believe, yeah okay the other week i said i was going to live for God again but now i'm just in the same place i was before not knowing what the fuck i believe in. ahh! what the fuck do i do!

it scares me to get close to you because i'm afraid of losing you

i'm sick of big churches, i'm sick of trying to be perfect it's just too much

as you ask your self why, why am i even here

Yum Gotta Love This Duck I'm Eating

conversion's useless i'm wasting all my time you're not the same person i rember in my mind

"one shot is all you got to make your mark, to make a diffrents, one chance but you don't understand this, life is but a breath don't waste it"

sitting down at Mcdonalds talking to Brendan my cousin after church man helped me realize what it was that made me fall away from God can't believe i was so blind, can't believe i did't see it sooner.

things i need for my film Stuff The Fame

A logo

A cover

Someone to film my section

A tripod for my camara

more people

more footage

maybe new camara

some willing to pose in front of camara's not like 50 camara's tho just 1 or 2, that can be a boy or girl i don't mind.


hmm so many delays i hate delays.

i don't listen to praise and worship bands anymore because i found i don't need to i use to think i did until i made a playlist on my itunes of punk/hardcore/metal and i have over 50 praise and worship songs the music i listen to is a form of worship to God and not many people see that because hardcore and metal are allways looked as negative and satanic when it's not.

the emptiness will haunt you

Sanctus Real - Alone

True love exists yes I know this
My heart was waiting for you
And when we met I felt my chest
pound fast, racing for the chance
to know you, to hold you
To open up and show you
The way it feels when you know...

You are not alone
Know that I would fight the tides to
Be together
When you feel alone
Listen to this song to make your heart
feel better

Two hearts entwined, yes, you are mine
And I'll be yours forever
I've done the math, I'm less than half
We're better off together
And I want you here by my side
As much as you are on my mind
When I'm gone you should know

Rainy Mondays feel like Fridays
When you're smiling at me I can feel
The space
Between us collapsing
Our love is everlasting

Listen to this song
Let it make your heart feel better

"god doesn't count how many times you leave he counts how man times you came back" out all people to hear it from it came from Kevin right on the day i decided i wasn't going to consider myself not to be a christian man kevin isnt even saved wow

i feel alone, i feel isolated no one skates anymore because their at work or wonna play xbox all day and it's pissing me off i can understand working but playing xbox all day fuck that makes me not want to skate at all maybe i'll find some other sport or sit at home all day and play xbox online with friends man need some one to talk to so i don't feel so alone and isolated.

been writing songs not really knowing how to hmm

hmm missing you

God i'm so sorry i turned away from you what the heck i was thinking. tonight at uraban life wow i could just feel you and when Charles prayed for me he didn't know anything about how was feeling but every word that came out of his mouth described exacly how i was feeling and knew that could only be from you. God i'm sorry, help me to be a better person, help me grow in you, i'm running back to you, the place were i feel free, the place were i feel happy.

my ears are still ringing from lastnight

maybe all those years it wasn't God, maybe it was just hype. how can i be sure you're real when it seems like you're not listening

As I Lay Dying

wow what a crazy night it started off with Lovers Grave wich i'm pretty sure i saw at pushover they could have been better if there was a moshpitt but no just a bunch of people standing around drinking but little did know what was about to happen. The second band that played was The Abandonment freaking awesome breakdowns 5 stars for the breakdowns. Now As I Lay Dying man straight away you could tell everyone was just saving thier energy because it went from people standing still to people crowd suffering. they played all my favorite songs including 94Hours, kinda hesitated on hardcore dancing but eventually got into it, did some crowd surfing for the first time and lost my shoe hehe. the moshpitt small space with 2 brick poles in the middle hmm wich made circle pitts death pitts because you had to dodge them, yep i would say that was the craziest moshpitt EVER! and thats all i have to say.

God i wonna run back to you, i wonna run in the place i felt free, but it's hard when i can't seem to feel you God show me you're real, show me you're there looking out for me.

You Take My Breath Away

You take my breath away,
Oh lord you take my breath away,
In a way words cannot describe,
And this love that I have in my heart, is the love that you put in my heart,
I don’t know how I could ever live without you.




You take my breath away,
Oh lord you take my breath away,
Jesus you know you take my breath away.




You paid the price for me,
Oh lord you paid the price for me,
I wasn’t worthy and yet you still do more for me,
Dying on the cross wasn’t that enough?
Oh lord you know it was more than enough for me.




You take my breath away,
Oh lord you take my breath away,
Jesus you know you take my breath away.





I can’t do this without you, were would I be without you?
Oh lord take control,
Let my thoughts be your thoughts, Let my words be your words,
Everything I do is all for your glory,
Oh lord it’s all for you!


.................................................................................................................................................................... I wrote this just before i fell away from God. What was it i felt then that i don't feel now?

so went to a small local church today and for some reason i felt like i should be there don't know why but it did, even though i was pretty anti social but thats just how i am around new people. i don't know maybe thats where God wants me to be because i have been thinking about leaving Planetshaker for a while, before i fell short from God. maybe thats why i've been feeling dry.

i'm not letting go, i'm not giving up, there just has to be something just gotta pull myself together

i'm scared, i'm lonely, i'm isolated, getting licked out home, fuck i'm ready to die

fuck this fuck life i've had it, mum you don't want me in the house fine. i'm scared of loosing my closest friend this all fucked up right now

i'm scared

facebook is working now yay

facebook is unavailable due to maintenance

hmm...no credit

i never thought i'd feel this low. mum doesn't understand me, my sister is so fucking selfish to me, i feel lonely even though i have friends all around me, i pray to God eveynight to get me out of this fucking reck but nothing happens, where the fuck is God when i need him. suicide man seems to be the only thing left for me. but i'm not done yet i'm holding on to this little bit of hope i have left man hope it gets my out this mess. just need some who could at least try to understand.

Mum i just wanted you to understand why the fuck won't you understand

You're My Only Friend

i feel lonely theres things i want to tell you but ahh! i'm holding back how will take you take it? ah fuck it here it goes.



I wake everyday knowing it’s just another pointless day I get up I go to work, go for a skate, Sundays go to church, Wednesday fortnight go to urban life. I lost faith in God, don’t know if I believe there is a God. I feel lonely my mum can’t understand me, my sister is just so selfish and growing with out a farther I find it hard to trust anyone I don’t even trust my urban life leaders I know I should but I find it hard to. Yeah I have friends but there just friends I hang out with don’t really talk to them about how I feel. Suicide has been on my mind lately, like it would so much easier to leave this world nothing to worry about, why don’t I leave this world? I’ll tell you why because of you, you’re the only person I trust, you’re my only friend I can sit and talk to, you’re my only friend I really care about, you’re my only I ever got close to, you’re my only friend I love. It’s why I feel this way about you, it’s why I’m okay with just being friends because, I don’t know if I want to be more than just friends but then I kinda do, I just don’t want to lose you because basically you’re all I have.

I know i'll always love you, i wish that you felt the same, no matter what happens you will be friend, i'm not going to mess this up, i don't wanna end with regret.

evertime i put some skates on my feet i feel free it's just being myself and i feel happy. all my worries, all my proplems and all my pain it just leaves the second i put on those skates it's gone. rollerblading is my escape from life.

Are you running back to what you use to be?
Or are you moving forward?

Leo has a sexy ass not that i'm gay or anything but he does lol

AHHH! don't know what to believe any more it's pissing me off!

if only we could spend our whole lives day dreaming

Architecs - Hollow Crown

There, there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind

You, you can but wait
for me to return
For me to show you how I felt

These wounds have bled
And pages fly by
I need to feel you right by my side

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together

So, So far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind

Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong

I'm fine with just being friends

I'm fine with just being friends i really am fine i know sometime i can seem like i want to be more than just friends well yeah i kinnda do, but i'm fine really. anyways a guy always needs that one female friend.

You said you would never leave, where are you now?

What Is Living Extreme?

Living extreme isn’t just about skating, surfing, sky diving, or any kind of extreme sport. Living extreme is being yourself and not caring about what the world thinks, it being different, it’s standing out from the crowd, it’s doing what you want, and it’s having fun. You don’t have to be who people tell you to be, you can just be yourself and there’s nothing better than being yourself.

To My Good Friend

To you my good friend i don't have to say your name because by the end of this you'll know who i'm talking about.

The day i met you i saw a passionate, young, loving wormen of God, all though at first we never really talked much i still thought you were pretty cool don't know why i guess i just saw something different in you and i like people who are different because they stand out in the crowd, their not afraid to stand alone. I can never forget when we really got to know each other we were on that bus trip that seemed like forever to boomcamp we played 24 questions but i'm pretty sure it was more than 24 questions haha, you were so close to God at the time it was almost like you would never leave him, i was sure that you wouldn't leave him. We went to the city to watch fireworks on new years eve, we had fun, you stayed at my place for the night and we hang out the next day. You started doing intern you enjoyed it so much i could just see it, you helped me get through DNA i don't know if you knew that but you did in fact if you didn't send me that text asking me if i had done DNA i don't think i would have, you prayed for me at DNA encounter weekend thanks i needed it. It got near the end of 2009 i didn' know what it was at the time but i could see something wasn't right you stoped going to church, i hadn't seen you in a while, i was worried about you. And just recently you told me everything i was amazed of what you went through, couldn't believe how much i didn't know you, i didn't know how far away you were from God, alot has changed, it seems like i'm just getting to know again but this time im really getting to know you, i still love you, i still care about you, i still worrie about you, i still think of you every day, i still wish i could be with you, but in some ways i think we are better off as just good friends and i like it now that were closer i love you so much.

Crying Out

I'm sick going to church and not feeling anything, I,m sick of feeling like God isn't listening when i pray, I'm sick of not knowing what i believe in. God i need you because i don't know how to live without you, my life seems pointless without you, some days i feel i'm better off dead, man i'm going crazy without you please show me that you're real because i don't know anymore, i'm begging you, lord this my cry to you, can you hear me?

Follow Your Dreams, Follow Your Heart

Follow your dreams,
Follow your heart,
Believe what you feel is right,
Don’t let anyone tell who need to be.



It’ your life,
It’s your choice,
Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong,
It’s your life,
It’s your choice,
Don’t let anyone take that away from you.



Have faith in what you do,
Fuck what anyone thinks about you,
Believe what you feel is right,
Don’t let anyone tell you who you need to be.



It’ your life,
It’s your choice,
Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong,
It’s your life,
It’s your choice,
Don’t let anyone take that away from you.



Your dreams,
Your choices,
It’s what makes you, who you are,
Don’t let anyone tell you’re wrong,
Your dreams,
Your choices,
It’s what makes you, who you are,
Don’t let anyone take that away from you.



Follow your dreams,
Follow your heart,
Believe what you feel is right,
Don’t let anyone tell who need to be.

Let The New Child Run Away

Don't Know What To Believe

what is real? honestly i can't tell you that, if you asked my that about 3 months ago i would have said God, but i don't know if their really is a God and if there is

why can't i hear him?

why can't i feel him?

why can't i see him?

i want to believe there is a God but i don't, i want to believe there isn't but how the fuck do you explain mericals i mean people raising from the dead, people that should be dead but amazingly still alive, how does it happen is it pure luck, is God really out there, or is it something else

Every One Around Me Has A Girlfriend/Boyfriend

Why is it that all my friends find a girlfriend/boyfriend and i can't, i've tried looking, i've tried not looking, will i ever find someone i love, many times i thought i did,
i'm scared of being alone, i want a girlfriend, i want a wife and kids when i get older, man this just sounds like i'm desperate, maybe i am

Zao - Angel Without Wings

Hold her in your right hand
And guide her safely home
Brush away all the thorn
And all the stones

You're my angel without wings
You're my angel without wings
You're my angel, my angel, my angel

Hold her in your right hand
And guide her safely home
Brush away all the thorns
And all the stones
When I was crying you never left my side
When I was dying you never left my side
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me

You're my angel without wings
You're my angel without wings
You were always there for me
You were always without wings
You're my angel without wings
You're my angel without wings
You're my angel, my angel, my angel

When I was crying you never left my side
When I was dying you never left my side
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me
You're always, always there for me

You're my angel without wings
You're my angel without wings
You were always there for me
You were always without wings
You're my angel without wings
You're my angel without wings

What I Could Have Missed Out On

I love my life, I love where I’m at, I have friends and family that love me and care about me.
I rollerblade and I love every part about it, all the friends I’ve met, all the fun times, all the road trips I just love this sport.
My friends I love so much Hannah, James, Rachel, Ben, and Kayne, you guys have just been so awesome and don’t know what I would do with out any of you.
Wow my family even though sometimes I don’t show it I love Jackie and Mum I know hard it would have been raising to kids up on your own but I think you did an awesome job cause I turned out just fine, and Brendan I know we haven’t had much time to hang out but your still able to understand who I am.

Now I bet you’re asking where are you going with this? Glad you asked.
All this it scares me now to think 2 years ago when I held that knife to my throat I could have lost it all, watching movies with Hannah last night, when I had my arm around her it made me realize what I could have lost. We only get one shot at life and even though it can be hard at times and you may not seem happy right now, ending you’re life it’s not worth it because we’ll never know what we’ll miss out on. Hope is always there.