For Hannah

will i ever get over you hmm...i don't think so when Leo asked if i was really over you he asked me this question "so if Hannah turned around and said i would go out with you you'd say no?" that just made me realise that i don't think i would ever get over you i mean yeah i accept that were friends and that's all cool and all but if oppotunity was there i'd take it, if that makes sense and also here some reason why i like they're been on my mind the last few days;

1. your the only person i've ever opened up to.
2. your the closest friend i have.
3. you always seem to be there for me.
4. i like your so called dorky cloths you wear.
5. i like that you have an open mind to music.
6. i like that your like a big kid and being around you makes me feel younger.
7. i like that you hardly get angry and always forgiving.
8. i like that i can tell you how i feel about without you being offended or awkward.

there are so many more reasons why i like you but when i look at these reason i like you i realise these arent reasons why i want to be with you, these are reasons why i want to be your best friend and i guess all this time i never really noticed it. the thing is to me you're this really amazing person and i don't know if you know how much i care about but i care about HEAPS! even more than i care about my self i'd put my life on the line for you without hesitation. i'm just letting my thoughts and feeling out right now but it's all true. just one more thing to clear all this there some questions thats been on my mind and want ask you these questions and i want an honest, straight answers;

1. did you ever really liked me the way i liked you?
2. were you ever really willing to give it a chance?
3. how you do really feel about me now?

why can have it, why can't i have a good family i'm not asking for a perefect family i just hate growing up in a broken home i want my Dad to be someone i can look up to and encouage me doing something i love. i want my mum to understand who i am. i want my sister to stop being selfish. at least i have one thing, Hannah my best friend whenever things get hard she allways seems to be there for me, she gives me a reason to smile everyday, she amazing sometimes i don't think she know how amaing she is. i love Hannah

so today i got this game (Red Dead Redemotion) i've been wanting to get it since last week when i found out about it. the game is about a man named John Martson who left his old crimanal ways and settled down with his wife, but he is forced by federal agents to hunt down his former gang members that once were his friends. this is also based in 1911 yes that means cowboys, sheriff's and outlaws. with game done (rockstars games) wich if you don't know are the same company that dose (grand theft auto) it has an awesome free raoming experience yes that means you have a big open space wich you can do anything on. but this game nothing like GTA (thank god for that) it's better you can houses, catch outlaws and get heap of cash when you bring em back alive, round up some cows, catch wild houses and there's alot more. i must this is one of the best games i've played since Zelda and Zelda is my favorite game so that's pretty good, as soon started playing i couldn't stop but dinner time came around and yeah thought it was time to stop for the day and check my emails plus do a review on here :P i'd give this game 4 out of 5 stars.

okay that's i'm sick this i hate standing on the line not know what i believe i'm either in or out, i either choose to follow with God or not. so here it is. Ben called me today and asked me "where have you been?" he asked me to come to boom so i went and i can not believe what i'm missing out on i felt God he was there and with out any doubt i knew that he was real and was there Andy spoke on praise it so intense i jumped on the stage and did a 360 off it i wasn't thinking about no that was just me praising God the way i do because praise you give God your best and you don't even think about you just not caring about what anyone thinks. I miss boom, i miss praising God the way i want to you can't do this stuff in church you can't run around and just be free in church it feels like your just being restricted because you know some one's gonna stop you tell you, "you can't do that in church" some times i think Planetshakers forgets what praise is really about well the church anyways. as for boom great! love it :) i feel free to praise God the way i want.


so i'm running back to God and this time it's for real i need him so much i've been such a fool to that his not real. i'm staying at planetshaker because i know that's were God wants me to be, i gonna get more involved with church and not just attend because i never away from again leaving God it's the stupidest thing i've done but even in those times i wasn't walking with God i know he was watching out for me. so this it i am following God, i'm running back into his arms again.

Sydney Australia

i wonna run back to God, i wonna start out, wonna get to know God but theres still that part of me that's unsure and it's holding me back, most of my friends that engourged me have fallen away from God, i feel like i'm doing this alone.

i've always liked, i like you alot. i don't want to take time off seeing you, i want hang out with more so i get use just being friends and anyways i enjoy hanging out with you cause when i do i feel like a kid again, like playing on the grass today at camberwell was like two 5 year old kids having fun, even though we'd have dirt and grass all over us after, it's still fun. hm i don't know i guess letting my thoughts out, i'll be fine

the story of how i got into christian metal

I got into heavy metal when I was 16 didn’t know much about it all I knew was I liked it but a lot of the stuff I was listening to at the time was either satanic or negative bands like;

Slipknot,
Wednesday 13,
Cradle Of Filth,
Mudvayne,
Murder Dolls,
Soulfly,
Children Of Bodem,

And a lot more.

Yeah wasn’t really good for a new Christian kid with a bad temper. I wanted to find something positive in heavy music didn’t know what I was looking for just knew I wanted something with positive lyrics. My metal head friend lent me some a lot of his cd’s to me got into a lot of the bands he had and there was 4 bands that I found out from him that grab my attention Killswitch Engage, Caliban, Diecast and Still Remains all really positive and real heavy I wanted to find more music like this what people call metalcore I didn’t know what metalcore was, didn’t even know there were other genres in heavy music I just thought everything heavy was metal.
I had heard about a christian band Underoath I didn’t know who they were and I didn’t take much interest until one day I turned on the TV around 3 in the morning and saw these guys on my TV screen I liked it. Shortly some time after I lent an Underoath cd from a friend they’re Only Chasing Safety album I liked it but it wasn’t exactly heavy so kept looking for more. One day I went to word book store and saw a cd I didn’t know who they were all I knew was they were a christian band and they looked interesting so I got home and put it on to my computer and after about 3 minutes I realized that it was heavy music coming from my speakers that band was blessthefall I listened to them a lot and I still do. By the time I was 18 I found out about solid state records a christian record label that only signed christian bands so stared getting into solid state bands but the problem was they were really hard to find word book store didn’t have anything and jb-hi-fi and missing link only had a few. Then one day my friend asked me to come to koorong book store with her so I did we walked in and found a hole bunch of christian metal and hardcore and bands a lot from solid state records I still shop there till this day. Solid State bands I got into;

August Burns Red,
Oh, Sleeper,
Underoath,
Demon Hunter,
Norma Jean,
Inhale Exhale,
Mychildren Mybride,
Haste The Day,
Living Sacrifice,

After a while I of listening to solid state bands I wanted to find some more Christian hardcore bands that weren’t on solid state I always use to think that solid state was the on Christian metal label man just wrong was I? I ended up finding out about another Christian metal label (Facedown records) this label signing more hardcore than metal bands (and yes there is a difference between hardcore and metal) I didn’t know much it so just ignored it for a while. So still on this search for more Christian hardcore I ended up find out about a deathcore band (With Blood Comes Cleansing) I was amazed of this band cause not only were they extremely heavy but their lyrics were like praise and worship songs I had never hard of such praise songs in my life. Shortly after I found out about impending doom another Christian deathcore band doing pretty much the same thing only they labeled their music as Gorship (praise and worship with heavy music) So now I found out that impending doom were with Facedown records witch made me want find out more about them and got into more of their music. Bands from Facedown records;

Impending Doom,
War of Ages,
Inked in Blood,
Jesus Wept,
Alove for Enemies,
For Today,
xDeathstaRx,
Sleeping Giant,
Call To Preserve.



So pretty much after I got into Facedown records I had found out about more Christian hardcore and metal bands that weren’t with solid state or facedown you so by the time I just turned 20 you could say I’m a Christian metal head yep I know a lot about Christian metal maybe too much so this is it I’m done.
Here are some of my favorite bands;



The Devil Wears Prada,
August Burns Red,
As I Lay Dying,
A Plea For Purging,
Gwen Stacy,
Impending Doom,
Corpus Christi,
Burden Of A Day,
Forgiven Rival,
For All Eternity,
Soul Embraced,
Haste The Day,
Lewis Vs Clark,
Inhale Exhale,
Sinai Beach

As I Lay Dying - The Powerless Rise

so i downloaded this album last night. i rember someone telling me before the album came out that it wasn't that great but heres what i think. this album is definitley alot more heavier than thier previous albums with alot more breakdowns but at the same time still sounding like AS I LAY DYING as for the lyrics nothing much has changed still great positive and uplifting lyrics that we all love. my favorite song on the album so far would have to be Parallels. if i had to rate this album i'd give 4 out 5 stars

you didn't know what to say, but i didn't care, you were there for me when i needed you, thats all i wanted

For Hanface

so the few day i've been writing down my thoughts and feelings and i want you to read them and blogger was the only real place i could do this cause facebook is gay.



DAY ONE

It’s like someone reaching into your heart and ripping it out ahh! It just kills to even say those words “I’m letting go of you” but I know have to; I have to let go, I don’t want to, the tears pouring down my face like a water fountain so hard to breathe it almost felt like my hole body was shutting down, it’s not easy but nothings fucking easy. Guess I’m past the first step taking some time apart, first step is always the hardest. But who can I go? to while we take some time apart, who can I talk to when I’m feeling down? These are the questions that are running through my head, but then it came to me my urban life leader although I haven’t really known him for that long I feel I can talk to him with just about anything. Well I guess this is goodbye for now, I’ll be okay I just need some time hmm…I love you, don’t beat yourself up your not a stuff up, see you soon…Miss Butmunch Dostine.







DAY TWO

Cried my self to sleep last night could get it off my mind, pillow was soaked…lovely.
Woke up crying this morning, then after telling myself “you can do this you can move on” I had a shower and I was okay. Watched some skate videos and played rolling on my PS2. you text message today telling me you were at camberwell I wanted to go, I wanted to go there just to see you but need some time apart from you so I can let go, let go of you. I went a small community church in ST. Albans it was great for the first time in 4 months I felt the presence of God it was there but still I continue to not be sure. I love you we’ll always be best friends but right now I just need some time apart but if you really do need I’ll be I’ll be there for you. Take care Hanface





DAY THREE

I have lifeline on repeat as I’m writing this I went for a skate earlier no one at the skatepark just me, my rollerblades and iPod just had lunch no one home so I had to cook for myself like any dumb aussie I burn my fucking food. When you’re like me and not doing anything besides sitting at home playing Xbox, skating and watching pointless videos on youtube I guess you have time to think things through so here what I think, I don’t think it would have work out anyways because were closer than anyone would be if they were in a relationship, where’ve been friends for way to long to be in a relationship and I’d hate to lose you as my best friend…Hannah I accept that I can never be with you cause there was another side of me that didn’t feel right about it and I just ignored that until now I don’t want be in a relationship with you I just want to be you’re really close friend. I’m sorry if you felt that I was forcing you in anyway it’s just really did want to be with you.
I love you heaps.




DAY FOUR

I’m okay now hit was hard at first but yeah I’m okay now I’m over it, I accept the fact that we won’t be anything more than just close friends and I think that’s the way I want it. I’m just happy that you’re even in my life I don’t know if you know but you have been really amazing to me and there are so many reasons why you’ve helped me out a lot. I love you Hannah.